Abandonment

Regression is also to remember the tragedy that you have overcome to be where you are. Throughout my life, I have abandoned and been abandoned. Friends have come and gone. I had to let go of so many of them for various reasons. Whether I was moving or the friend was truly not a friend, decisions were made. Other friends were damaging to me and needed to be left behind. It's hard to know when something is hurting you or not. When you are in the flames, you can not see the fire. However, sometimes you can not trust the people telling you what they see. Because they have their own perception. And that could include genuine care for you or some agenda. Trust perhaps is the biggest issue with abandonment. Understanding that you must trust but be wise in who you trust. I have lived life trusting everyone and not trusting anyone. All that caused me was more grief than was necessary.

Sometimes you must abandon the ones you love. People change and you must either accept this and grow with them or disapprove and grow elsewhere. There is a choice and not all choices are two sided. If you are the one who made the choice, you must learn to accept that you made that choice and that nothing is ever carved in stone. People tend to think they will always be the same and that they can never go back. Sometimes returning to those places you had forgotten can be helpful. It all depends on where you are. Life will always continue onward. You must learn to live that way.

I have let go of a lot of my own issues. Dealing with yourself can be the hardest thing to conquer. All I know for certain is that I am stronger for the path I have traveled and I thank my friends who helped me through it. It is hard to open up when you think you are the only one. Or that no one cares how you feel. It is those infantile thoughts that will aid you in helping others in time. Yes, new issues will always arise and a strong person will face them head on.

I know who I am, and I carry my scars.

As a child, I felt protected. Not sheltered. But I did not have to worry about fighting for everything. As a child, I felt silent. That it was not just protection but a muted form of who I really am. I thought this was a good thing. Being able to function quietly and shy away from confrontations. I learned that for some people, safety does not work. I enjoy having a home and protection when I need it. But I would rather embrace chaos and danger now. Know that I lived instead of hiding from life. Experiencing the world the way I want to.

I do not tolerate anything. I accept it. I wish to embrace ideas and people fully. Not pander them with allowing their presence. If I disagree, I state my point and wait for retort. I want to understand. Make me.

I accept people for who they are. Not for living a different way, loving different people, or disagreeing with me. Ignorance has damaged so much. No damage is irreversible. Stubbornness creates monsters. And if that is what you are, you need to accept it.

I accept who I am. And I accept the ones I love.